Priest and Rabbi

One sunny day, a priest and a rabbi are walking in the park. They pass a lake, and the priest says "It's nice and sunny, why not go for a swim? We're both men of God, so we shouldn't be ashamed of our nudity."

The rabbi agrees, so they strip and dive in. After a while, they decide to get out again, but just as they stroll across the grass to their clothes, a group of school children passes by, including several ones from both the priest's and the rabbi's congregation. Quickly, the priest covers his genitals with his hands. The rabbi, however, covers his face.

Out of the corner of his mouth, the priest mumbles "Why are you covering your face, brother?"

The rabbi replies "Because the children in my community recognise my face, not my penis."

Credits: sickipedia.org

Thought the sock

"Now that doesn't look like a foot"

Thought the sock.
credits: sickipedia.org

Little Johnny - Good Salesmanship

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.


Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."


"Very good," said the teacher.



Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events."


"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.


Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk "$2,467," he said.


"$2,467," cried the teacher, "what in the world were you selling?"


"Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny. "Tooth brushes," echoed the teacher, "how could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"


"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny. "I set up a Chip and Dip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing... 'Hey, this tastes like shit!'


Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
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Innuendo

I was in McDonald's and this stunning young girl took my order.
"I can make it large for you for an extra 30p," she said sweetly.
"I'm afraid you already have," I replied, "but how about a blowjob for a pound?"

Unfortunately Named Professionals

• 1. Dr. Dick Chopp

  
  

• 2. Dick Payne

  
  

• 3. Professor Fuck

  
  

• 4. Dr. Cockburn

  
  

• 5. Anurag Dikshit

  
  

• 6. Coach Sally Mangina

  
  

• 7. Representative Dick Ball

  
  

• 8. Dr. Harry Beaver

  
  

• 9. Dick Hyman

  
  

• 10. Yolanda Squatpump

  
  

• 11. Ima Hogg

  
  

• 12. Peter Enis

  
  

• 13. Dr. Harry Johnson

  
  

• 14. Anita Dick

  
  

• 15. Professor Assmann

  
  

• 16. Dr. Pornsak

  
  

• 17. Dr. Dick Weiner

  via.
  

• 18. Dr. B.J. Hardick

  
  

• 19. Ben Dover

  
  

• 20. Sheriff Mike Hunt

  Thanks to Yuppiepunk for some of these names!!
  

Jail chaos

Jail chaos as lag hacker is left in charge of computer system

By Justin Penrose 27/09/2009

A jailed hacker shut down a prison's entire computer system - after bosses gave him the job of programming it.
Douglas Havard, 27, serving six years for stealing up to £6.5million using forged credit cards over the internet, was approached after governors wanted to create an internal TV station but needed a special computer program written.
He was left unguarded and hacked into the system's hard drive at Ranby Prison, near Retford, Notts. Then he set up a series of passwords so no one else could get into the system.

The blunder emerged a week after the Sunday Mirror revealed how an inmate at the same jail managed to get a key cut that opened every door.
Havard was put in segregation as punishment. But he left the system crippled. A prison source said: "It's unbelievable that a criminal convicted of cyber-crime was allowed uncontrolled access to the hard drive. He set up such an elaborate array of passwords it took a specialist company to get it working."
A Prison Service spokesman said the breach was being investigated, adding: "Prisoners are not allowed unsupervised access to computers. The prisoner was not able to access records of any other prisoners."

Men and Women

Credits : Swades

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.Although they are so busy, they still have time for women. 
2. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
3. Although they don't really care for them, they always like to have one around.
4. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with other women.
5. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women around leaves them.
6. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.

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Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes which they can hardly afford.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you.