Article 101: If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave* This is what makes them Bros, not chicks
*And beyond if the Bro discovers there is indeed life after death.
Article 102: A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.
Article 103: A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgrear plan and sticks with it.
Article 104: The mom of a Bro is always off-limits. But the stepmom of a Bro is fair game if she initiates and /or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing...provided she looks good in it...but not if she smokes menthol cigarettes
Article 105: If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. Its cool. No big whoop.
Article 106: Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro alwas selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night
Article 107: A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging
Article 108: If a Bro forgets a guy's name he may call him "brah","dude", or "man" but never "Bro"
Article 109: When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any objective rankings to the contraty.
Article 110: If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome
Article 111: If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random cntacts and then deleting all sent messages.
Article 112: A Bro doesnt sing along to music in a bar. Exception: A Bro may participate in karaoke Exception to exception: No chick songs
Article 113: A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a young chick
Acceptable age difference formula
Chick's age = Guy's age divided by 2, + 7
(Shall add chart shortly)
Article 114: If a Bro must crash on his Bro's couch for an extended period of time, he shall offer to split the cost of toilet paper and the cable bill if said period exceeds two weeks. If he stays longer than a month, he shall offer to contribute some rent. If he stays longer than two months, he shall sheam clean the couch or have it incinerated, whichever is more applicable
Article 115: A "clothing optional" beach doesn't really mean "clothing optional" for Bros
Article 116: A Bro shall not kill another Bro or a Bros chances to score with a chick
Article 117: A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fools errand of getting up to manually change the channel
Article 118: When a Bro is with his Bros he is not a vegetarian
Article 119: When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar...a Brotorcycle
Article 120: A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name
Article 121: Even if he's never skied before, a Bro doesn't trifle with the bunny slope.
Article 122: A Bro is always psyched. Always.
Article 123: Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from "Beat It" which, I guess, two Bros shouldn't do anyway, or at least not very often.
Article 124: If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Bowling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.
Article 125: If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro TRain, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.
Article 126: In a scenario where two or more Bros are watching entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity. This may include but is not limited to: the high five, the fist bump or the confratulary gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.
Artricle 127: A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying "I love you, man" to all his Bros.
Article 128: A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, its preffered that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code...half naked from the waist up, naturally.
Article 129: If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of laawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.
Article 130: If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic addident, he must first ask what type of car he colleded with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.
Article 131: While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car's ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to bassersby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he'll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.
Article 132: If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancée and results in a "no sex" penalty or whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ
Article 133: A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro.
Article 134: A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman
Article 135: If a scenario arises inw hich a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the following shall determine the copitot: (1) foot race to the car, (2) silent auction or in the case of a road trip exceeding 450 miles, (3) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death.
Article 136: When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than an uninterested "It was okay"
Article 137: When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros
Article 138: A real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin.
Exception: Unless he doesn't know the guy.
Article 139: Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro"
Article 140: A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date. (Lemon Law)
Article 141: A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or (b) its been longer than a month since his last manicure. Its called the Bro Code, not the slob Code.
Article 142: A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.
Article 143: When executing a high five a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers of grasping his Bro's hand
Article 144: It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and pillows-on-floor combinations. If it's still unavoidable, they shall prevent any incidental spoonage by arm wresting to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided each Bro shall don as many lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other good night.
Article 145: A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion
Article 146: A Bro refrains from using too much detain when relating sexual exploits to his Bros
Article 147: If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back
Exception: If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary looking guy
Exception: If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week)
Exception: If the Bro has a note from a physician excusing him from having anybody's back
Article 148: A Bro doesnt listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyches, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.
Article 149: A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars
Article 150: No sex with you Bro's ex
*NEWS!*
It is indeed true, Carter Bays and Criag Thomas have signed a deal to release 'The Bro Code', Sources say this should be released in the autumn.
I like to think that our continued interest had some effect in encouraging this decision.
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