37. Before allowing drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get in his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a, "F---OFF!", you are absolved of all responsibility.
36.If fast dancing is absolutely necessary, a man may NEVER raise his hands above shoulder level ...super gay.
35.If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
34.Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
33.If a buddy is out numbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whooping", then you may sit back and enjoy.
32.A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
31.When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
30.A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
29.The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
28.Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
27.You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call, "Bullshit!". (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.)
26.When a man is queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father,priest, shrink, dentist, accountant or dog walker, he need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. He is permitted to deny his very existence.
25.The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is five minutes. Maximum waiting time is six minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
24: Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
d. Nice butt. Are you a Sagittarius?
23: You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
22: It is permissible to have a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ... and it's free.
21: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
20: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
19: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
18: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
17: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
16: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
15: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
14: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
13: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
12: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
11: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
10: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
9: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
8: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
7: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances
(a) Megan Fox decides to venture into pornography.
(b) After wrecking your boss's car.
(c) When your date is using her teeth.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
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